Happy Tuesday! To be honest, I thought I was going to come on here today and tell you all that I’m so done with blogging forever. I was in a grumpy mood and thinking about how blogging sometimes feels like another thing that is on my have-to-do list, rather than something I want to do. I also feel very self-conscious about blogging, like I’m not very good at it. So silly. This is my blog – there is no good or bad, just whatever the heck I want to write about on any given day. So what if it doesn’t fit into a blogging rule out there – that the content must be uniform. My thoughts are not uniform from day-to-day and week-to-week, so I can’t expect my blogging content to be either. Sorry y’all, those were thoughts that were bugging me, and apparently I just needed to vent for a second.
Anyway, I am back and not leaving you. Instead, I’m just going to focus on what I want to write about and ignore those nagging feelings of not good enough and have-to-dos. Do you know what I want to write about today? Another one of the Intuitive Eating principles – Making peace with food. From the intuitive eating website:
Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
You’d think that would be so easy. Yay, I now get to eat whatever the heck I want! I have found in the last week that it’s not that easy. My brain is able to play so many crazy tricks on me, that I have trouble making peace with foods. I thought I had it down, but when I talked to my weight loss coach, Marna, yesterday, I realized I still need to work on this. I discussed with her some problems I had with overeating this weekend – I ate a few times when I wasn’t hungry and also didn’t feel like I could stop eating. She pointed out to me that I am still thinking of those foods as special, that I might not be able to have them again soon, so I am having trouble putting them down or ignoring them when I’m not hungry. She’s so smart!
She’s also so right. This came up again today at lunchtime. Today I felt like having McDonald’s (I’m on a huge fry kick right now). Just telling the world that already brings embarrassed feelings up. Sad. On the way to McDonald’s I thought about how I felt as if the people working at my client would judge me since I ate fast food yesterday as well. When I finally got my food and brought it back to the client, I thought about how I wish I had total privacy to eat my food without the threat of someone walking by and judging me. Oh boy. What do you think happened when I ate my McDonald’s? Yep, I inhaled it and didn’t stop when I felt the twinges of satisfaction. I overate and did it in a hurry.
I’m not beating myself up over it, I’m just sharing my thoughts and feelings. I’m coming from a place of investigation rather than a place of judgement. Now I truly know I haven’t made peace with food. I truly know this is a principle I need to work on. I truly need to tell my voices in my head to shut the fuck up. (Sorry, sometimes profanity feels more powerful and needed.)
So where do I go from here? How do I get to a place where I’m at peace with food? I eat! I eat when I’m hungry, eat the foods I really want, I remind myself there are no bad foods, and I let myself know that this food isn’t going anywhere so I don’t have to inhale it like a crazy person.